We guys are used to teasing each other with every curse and karma that you can possibly think of; from a simple tanga to a hurtful (for sure)
put_ngina, these words became a part of our everyday life in school. It may sound weird, but you could find us anywhere cursing while talking to each other and still laugh about the whole thing that we’re discussing. For us, it’s normal to include curses in ten out of 50 sentences we utter everyday, the same with hearing it from other people in the environment.
Soon this certain ‘language’ was combined with hand gestures, especially the pointing the middle finger to the person you are jokingly ‘flaming’. Modifications were made, to slightly decrease the impact of the meaning implied by the gesture, by using the ring finger instead of the ‘just’ and ‘rightful’ middle finger. We got used to it, and actually had fun while doing it during joke times and laughtrips while enjoying our break from classes.
But just recently, I did the usual thing of pointing the forbidden finger to somebody. I seldom do it, for I select certain situations when to do it and to whom I should point it. It may seem not important, you might guess. Sure, there would always be that possibility that I’d do it unnecessarily at some point in time, such as what happened. The worse thing though was, I pointed it to a GIRL, at a near point blank range, and she saw it coming.
I did not know what to do. It was the first time that I did that to a she. I had no excuses running in my mind except the intention of pointing the ‘lesser’ finger than the ‘greater’ one. It’s as if it was my sudden reflex the instant she threw the joke on me. I’m doomed. Though we are friends (I hope until now), I know she still doesn’t deserve it, one because of the fact that she is a girl and two because it was only due to a petty reason, which I opt not to mention here anymore (to avoid YOU scolding me and bringing up the damn issue again.)
She did not talk to me for hours after that same incident. Perhaps she thought of it to be a punishment for what I did, but I guess it was not enough. I was frozen. I wanted to punch myself for doing that stupidity. As I have said, she was the first girl whom I ever pointed the finger to. Shame on me, for I do not want my record to be scarred by any simple badshot against any woman – especially using that gesture. Now all my efforts have gone to waste.
Still, after all of the things that happened, at the end of the day, two words were all I could say to her. Two words, which I am not sure whether she’d heed or not. I know I have been too offensive and crossed the line, but still I have to at least apologize. It was all I could do, for time wouldn’t turn its hands back anymore, especially on me. I had hurt her so much, yet two words are all that I could say.
I know, it’s not enough to make it up to her but I do hope she forgives me.